Wee Wee Wee
all the way home
WeeWeeWee
All the way home…
I’m back home in Nashville. It was impossible for me to stay in Brooklyn any longer without a job. Maybe if I were younger, prettier, and less depressed, I could’ve found a way, but a sista was tired. I’ve been trying to leave New York since 2020, but I’d hoped to do so under better circumstances, like with a fat bank account, a lovely home all to myself, with professional movers so I could take all my stuff with me. Instead, I was scrounging, frequently overwhelmed, dependent on the kindness of strangers, my mom’s husband, and maybe a boo thang. As luck and fate would have it, a woman and her three children had just moved in on the floor below mine, so I was able to give her a lot of the furniture I was going to put out for trash or dumpster divers. She arrived with very little so I’m glad I was able to help her along until she gets more settled and is able to find stuff more to her taste.
If it were humanly possible to drive 14 hours straight, that’s how long the trip from Brooklyn to Nashville would’ve been. Between gas and food breaks, being tired and not being in my 20s any more, it took close to 24 hours, I think. I honestly don’t want to calculate it properly. It was a very stressful experience, but I’m very grateful to everyone who donated much-needed moving supplies (boxes, tape, cat-traveling things, gift cards, etc.). Your help lifted some of the burden from my shoulders, and I’d probably be on the side of the road without you.
I’ve been home since November 1. I have been eating like a pig, inhaling everything I missed. My homegirl made me a “welcome home” meal of pork chops, mashed potatoes and gravy, greens, and pinto beans, plus some garlic knots. Then Mama made me ribs, chicken, green beans, sweet potatoes with marshmallows, stuffed (deviled) eggs, and rolls. I’ve been to my favorite regional fast food joints and have had a fried fish sandwich. I’m plotting on some Krispy Kreme and a good pulled pork sandwich. The holidays are coming up so I’ll be eating good for the rest of the year. Plus, as much as I enjoy cooking, I was tired of cooking for myself, so to have other people cooking for me, with love, has really filled me up.
Insomnia was kicking my ass this past year, but I’ve been falling asleep before 11pm since my return. The stress of not worrying about a roof over my head was really doing a number on me. If you’ve never had to worry about that, I probably cannot make you understand what it does to your mind and body. I’ve been getting better sleep (except for the first few nights when allergies welcomed my sinuses back), not only because of the stress relief but my family lives in the suburbs and it’s so quiet out here. Quiet and dark and still. I love it.
People keep asking me if I miss Brooklyn yet, and no. Maybe by the time summer rolls around, I’ll have a different response. I enjoyed the people-watching and bar-hopping that was summer in Brooklyn. Again, I wish the circumstances were better… and that I had a job, my own money, car, and home… but I’m good. Sometimes I’ll drive my mom’s car and blast my lil music, and I feel much freer than I have in a long time.
I’ve been gone for over 7 years and so much has changed in Nashville. I’m looking forward to re/learning my city. I feel like I’m starting over from scratch in many ways. When I think about what this last year has done to my credit score, I shudder. New York was never a final destination, but I guess I’d become comfortable, even with the fraying. I’m ready for some stability and security. I just don’t want to have to go back to a 9-5 for it. I don’t know how I’ll be able to recover, but all I can do is keep it moving. I told my friend M that I had to change my perspective on the move back home. I feel like I was in a video game, used my last life, died, and had to start all over again with the knowledge I’d gained from my previous runs. Abandoning that metaphor, I stopped worrying about the losses and started thinking about what I’d gain from being home. And the way I was welcomed back with so much love was very healing.
You know that little movie moment where someone is in the middle of a crowd, standing still, while everyone around them is moving in triple time? The camera pulls back. The crowd begins to disappear until it’s that one person by themself. That’s how my life has felt the last year and a half, maybe 2 years.
Maybe in my next memoir, when I’m 75, I’ll tell you the details.
Here’s my basic summer playlist.
This Alex Isley song is over 10 years old, but I only just heard it. I think it’s how I want to feel next time I’m in love.
Albums I’ve had on repeat:
Metamorphosis Complete by Infinity Song
Shortn’Sweet by Sabrina Carpenter
Megan: Act II by Megan Thee Stallion
Glorious by GloRilla
I’m behind in my reading but pre-order Denise Williams’ Just Our Luck, which was sweet and filling, like a good donut. If you like a romance where the couple is Getting Busy within the first hour of meeting, go ahead and add this one to your list.
I’m looking for:
work- podcast (hosting, writing, consulting); something creative
a Brazilian jiujitsu gym in Nashville
or a personal trainer who specializes in women over 40
a fiction writers’ group to help me maintain some creative discipline
good, healthy, reciprocated love… with really good sex.
That’s about it for now. I just wanted to give you that life update and thank everyone who sent donations and love. I’m home in Nashville and I’m good. I hope you are, too.