Vampires, Barbies, Lovers, and Jiujitsu
What I've been watching and doing
A while ago, I decided to stop trying to keep up with new movies and tv shows. There was too much coming out then getting canceled as soon as I was invested. Eight- and ten-episode seasons were taking years to come out, making me lose interest. Since the pandemic, I’ve turned to my comfort shows of yesteryear. I need a reliable universe of 22+ episodes per season. I need a show with more than five seasons, something that stayed past its prime, so I won’t feel bad that I’m not paying attention to those last few episodes that just don’t sing like the earlier ones. In a world of increasingly lack of predictability and stability, I need the knowledge of the busybody amateur detective solving the crime; the girl getting the love she wants; the friends saving each other from the consequences of their hijinks.
Recently, I tried watching Yellowstone. I texted the groupchat: “... idk if I can keep at it. It’s just another family dynasty drama but I don’t think I’m in the mood to watch white men raised ‘tough’ try to make everyone else pay by eating the world.” And my thoughts re: Kevin Costner’s character: “And the daddy was so sloppy with it. The slightest hint of his family being held accountable for something, even MURDER, and suddenly everybody investigating is dead.” The rampant unchecked privilege took me out. Maybe there’s a comeuppance somewhere down the line, but I can’t devote any more time into the series.
I binged the first season of A Discovery of Witches and then put the rest of the series on as background noise. I was into it at first. Vampires, witches, demons, let’s go! Diana, a witch with muted powers, comes to the attention of Matthew, a vampire, after she calls forth a very important book no one has seen in years. Enemies destined to be lovers. In the first episode, there is a very hot scene where Matthew sniffs her track jacket. It ignites a hunger in him (he honestly looks painfully constipated but it’s fine) and he tells her to move past him, slowly, but don’t run.
Like too many book-to-series adaptations, I think ADoW relies too heavily on previous knowledge to push the stories along. I haven’t read the books. There were a lot of dramatic pauses following certain reveals, and I’d just be like “... okay. And?” And no one ever explained why that information was gasp-worthy. Also, when you have a couple declaring love and promises to travel through time together after a week, I need more than a convenient prophecy to believe the connection. I felt like the romantic chemistry got kicked to the curb for the rest of the storytelling, and you can’t give me the cold heat of Matthew Goode then take it away. Anyway, I have no idea what happened after season one, even though I finished the series.
When the Interview With the Vampire series was announced, I was not impressed. As I’ve frequently said over the years, I’m tired of chocolate-dipped remakes. Making a canonically white character Black is not enough. We have plenty of our own folklore, legends, and original stories that should be onscreen. Then my friend M suggested we binge the show together. I wanted to gobble up each episode. Angst, jealousy, possessiveness, desire, immortality, New Orleans, justice, revenge, men with smart mouths and bedroom eyes. Everything my little paranormal & urban fantasy romance-loving heart could want. Plus, at least in this show, some white men with reckless power got what they deserved, and with Louis (Jacob Anderson) now a Black man, the comeuppance had a special flavor to it. I still think there are some subtleties missing from Louis’ character, like how the colorism in early 20th century New Orleans affected him and the privileges he enjoyed. Sam Reid’s Lestat reminds me so much of Michael Hutchence. They’re both from Australia so maybe it’s something in the water.
I finally watched Barbie. It was fine.
Y’all know I love my cozy and not-so cozy murder mysteries and procedurals. I just finished My Life Is Murder, starring Lucy Lawless and Ebony Vagulans. Alexa Crowe (Lawless) is a retired police detective who gets asked to consult on challenging cases. Madison (Vagulans) is her young tech expert. The first season takes place in Australia then they move to New Zealand. For a hot second, I wondered if I should add New Zealand to my travel bucket list. The active police detectives who assign her cases are quite easy on the eyes. Alexa bakes bread in her spare time and brings the loaves to her local cafe, owned by very hot men. She bakes the bread, puts the loaves in a cloth bag, and the cafe owners don’t seem to care about her lack of food-handling certification. There is a Xena reunion in one episodes, but if I had not looked up the details, I would not have known because “Gabrielle” looks different these days. If you need a mystery procedural with beautiful vistas and colorful attire for its leading ladies, I definitely recommend My Life Is Murder.
How to Die Alone stars Natasha Rothwell as Melissa, a single woman who works for the JFK TSA… with her ex she might still have feelings for. On the night of her 35th birthday, her bestie ditches her for a date, and Mel has a near-death experience that changes her. Natasha Rothwell is fantastic, and the show is cringe-dramedy magnificence, even if many of the cringiest, funniest moments are telegraphed from a mile away. I can’t binge this because it is often too depressing, despite its humor, and sometimes, I wish a fat Black woman could love and be loved easily.
The Lovers is about an English political broadcaster (Johnny Flynn) who meets an Irish grocery store worker (Roisin Gallagher) at a time when they both need saving. I just started this but am taking my time with it. It only has 6 half-hour episodes so far, so I’m savoring them. I don’t know Johnny Flynn’s deal, but no one does yearning like he does. And it’s not just romantic yearning. He really knows how to put the desire for a better life that makes sense into his eyes. If you liked Lovesick and want something a little sharper and with a splash more depression, watch The Lovers.
So that’s what I’ve been watching lately. Um. I’ve also gone to two jiujitsu classes and loved it. Someone told me about a women-only boxing class and a women-only jiujitsu class. Both are free. I could not hang with boxing, which was disappointing. Somehow the boxing gloves made me feel claustrophobic, and I found myself near panicking a couple of times. But the Brazilian jiujitsu class had me smiling from ear to ear when I left. During my first class, my partner pinned me, and for a brief moment, I flashed to a time when a guy I was seeing (who ended up a stalker) pinned me down. This time, I didn’t freak out. I got out of the hold and felt very proud of myself. I thought “this is how I’ll get out next time.” Hopefully, there won’t be a next time, but if there is, maybe I can surprise my attacker. I’m really enjoying the class. It’s only once a week, but maybe when I finally get a job, I’ll start taking other classes throughout the week. I don’t think this class is formulated so you can earn a black belt or anything, and I’m not trying to head to any championships, but I wouldn’t be mad at learning enough to choke a motherfucker out.
I am still looking for work. I’ve only had a single assignment this year that paid 2 month’s rent. Everything else has been from savings, my mother, friends, or this newsletter. As such, I’m throwing in the towel on New York. My landlord has agreed to give me until the end of October so I can pack up and figure out how I’m getting home.
This is not how I wanted to leave Brooklyn, but I give up. Several friends I met when I first arrived have moved away and others are making their own arrangements to leave soon, so I guess it’s just my turn. I don’t know if I’ll make one of those irritating “Farewell, New York” posts but maybe. Probably. This was never going to be my final stop, but I’d hoped I’d have more control over the leaving.
I’m sad and frustrated, but there is freedom in the surrender.
If anyone has a podcast or writer job for me, please let me know. If you’d like to buy a 4-year-old green velvet couch that’s been well-loved by a cat or to donate boxes so I can pack or if you have a discount on a van I can drive to Nashville, also let me know.
P: paypal.me/NicholePerkins
V: https://venmo.com/u/nicholeTN
C: https://cash.app/$womanTN
As always, thanks for being here, and I hope you stick around for next season’s adventures.